God's Ways...

Isaiah 55: 8-9

  “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, 
   neither are your ways my ways,” 
            declares the LORD. 
 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, 
   so are my ways higher than your ways 
   and my thoughts than your thoughts. 

When we started our other blog in 2008, we thought that God would lead us into missions to work with international students here in the US.  It had been a burden of our hearts for many years.  We began the missions process but within a few months it became clear that Corey's issues were pretty significant and with much sadness we withdrew from the missions process to care for him.  Our journey found at www.declaretothenations.blogspot.com is not one I could have seen coming.  Eventually our church ministry then also ended and we felt for a time as if we had lost everything.  But God had other plans....

Not only did he move us to a new location and give us a wonderful new church family but He recently opened a door that we could not have imagined.  He is bringing Korean college students here to our little corner of the world!  We were approached a few months ago about the possibility of hosting a Korean college student and after prayer and talking to the kids about the adjustments we'd have to make to make it possible, we said YES.  We were quickly approved for the program and our student is arriving in a few weeks.  It still amazes me that the God of the universe cares so much about us to give us the desires of our hearts even when it seemed impossible.  His ways are amazing and we are excited about this next chapter in our lives!

Chelsea and Caelyn's new room decorations..we've been painting and added a new trundle bed to make their room ready for a new student to join us for the year...

FERAPY and other fun things

This week Chelsea is wrapping up Driver's Ed in class and in car training at the local high school.  It has been interesting to watch our firstborn cross over into this new adventure!  She has to do 50 more driving hours over the next nine months before she can get her license.  She loves driving and is so different from me in that way :)

Christian is at camp Grandma and Pop-Pop in St. Louis.  It's so nice to hear the excitement in his voice as he shares visiting the Arch and other great adventures.

FERAPY...it's a good word...Corey's word for the special one and half hour of OT/PT he gets each week in recent months.  After feeling a bit at our wit's end after the upheaval of our move, we contacted some FASD resource people to ask what our next steps should be.   We decided that working on an OT/PT evaluation to see how much some sensory and balance/coordination issues Corey was having would be helpful.  It turned out that we had a rehab center even in our smaller town that was just two blocks from where we live.  It really has been helpful for us in many ways.  They have taught me a bit more about having a "sensory diet" for Corey each 2 hours where we help him regulate himself by bouncing on a ball, swinging, playing in dry beans or with playdough etc.   I think one of the unseen benefits for me is seeing Corey with eyes of compassion..they were able to smile and give him one on one attention while watching them helped me begin to see my child with compassion as well as hopefulness for what he could be.  I found the more I started wanting to learn how to help him handle his anger and other issues, the more I became on his side.   I am also learning what kinds of things really set Corey off and how we can help him learn to do a better job handling textures, sounds, and other difficult things for him.  While this doesn't cure or fix the problems, it at least has given me compassion, a desire to try new things to help him, and a new understanding for how to redirect him and not take his actions personally.

One of the most amazing tools we have is an $8.00 investment from the Walmart exercise aisle!  It's a 55 cm ball that we use a few minutes each day and when Corey gets very angry about something to help him calm down.  I was truly amazed the first day we used it during schooltime and I was able to actually teach Corey a few new things while he was bouncing on this ball.  He learned to spell his name using a song and the ball.  The other day he got very angry and started throwing things.  I calmly asked if he wanted to get on the ball and he did for a while.  Then he was able to talk more about what happened and how the toy had irritated him and we went over the 2 choices he could make: ask for help or play with something else.

I have to admit honestly that I always read about therapy and really didn't think it would be something we would ever be ABLE to do nor would we choose to do it but God made a way.  Our goal right now is for us to learn a few things that help Corey so that we can do them at home and then pray about how long we will continue with official therapy.  We really desire to have a home life that supports him rather than to go from doctor to doctor because that fits our family's style more.  We pray over and wait for God to show us where we should go next in our process with him and we are so thankful for this opportunity to add to our toolbox with him.  Our next stop is to get an official diagnosis on paper of FASD by a geneticist (which took a lot of tracking down to find someone in our area who understood FASD and to get an appointment) because we feel like this will be helpful for our future with Corey (even though we have no doubt this is what it is based on his background history).

As for me...FERAPY is spelled C-H-A-I and reading my Bible, and unlike Corey, I have to do my FERAPY every day to survive :)

Grace to help in time of need

My sweet daughters (ages 16 and 6) sang on Sunday..."In the morning when I rise...give me JESUS...give me JESUS..you can have all this world..give me JESUS"  That has really become the cry of my life.   While I'm thankful for all the blessings He's given me on earth I know I can trust Him with my life..my shortcomings, my longings, my burdens, my heartaches, my struggles...everything.

Recently I have been loving the book of Hebrews.  I found a note in my Bible (I started writing in my Bible a few years ago and it is interesting to see what verses meant something to me and when) dated just around the time of Corey's homecoming in 2008.  I think it applies so much to so many hard things in life and reminds me how thankful I am for Jesus who truly understands when it felt like my world was falling apart.

Hebrews 4: 14-16


"Since then we have a great high priest, who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession.  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.  Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need"

Team Corey

I've been doing a bit of reflection lately about how I transformed from a mom whose world was turned upside down by a little Korean with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder and the mom who I am now.  I am changed and I wondered when the change happened.  I spent months crying, reading books and realizing what a task I had signed up for when he came home and was angry and none of my traditional ways of parenting (nor the attachment ways of parenting I had learned through adoption) were "working".

I think the change happened gradually in my heart...when love no longer mean a warm fuzzy feeling but a strong commitment to help this little one. A realization that Corey was made in the image of God despite his prenatal exposure to alcohol and the strange ways that played out in his life and God had a divine purpose for His life...even if that only purpose was to change me.  It happened over the past year (Corey has been home almost 3 years) when I joined "Team Corey"  It happened when I stopped thinking his behavior was personal or a reflection of my parenting and started thinking that his brain was damaged and he needed some extra helps to navigate life that none of our other five kids have needed.  It was adjusting our lives and his environment to give him success.  It was learning to teach him things that we take for granted in normal development (the ability to get up in a chair or spit toothpaste in a sink all needed to be taught, re-taught and taught again until one day he can do it).  It happened when I started purposefully looking for the bright parts of his personality and cherishing his part in God's kingdom instead of focusing on the negative.  It happened when I was willing to redirect instead of punish even if that meant looking like I had somehow changed my firm parenting and was giving in to what he wanted.  It happened when I saw anger with compassion knowing this child was overloaded from a sensory standpoint and was not just "sinning" in anger.  I had to change..I had to look at my child with compassion..he was not the enemy..FASD was and it was his enemy too.  He was never going to be like my other kids..my life had changed permanently and I had to accept it or continue to fight it.  He was going to need a lot of help in this life...always... and God had somehow picked me to be the one to help him.

Others have since joined Team Corey...occupational and physical therapists, and Sunday school teachers who had a disabled brother and understand Corey's limitations aren't defiance but part of brain damage.  I'm thankful God is bringing us a team of people who do not look at my child and try to assure me he is normal but who embrace our little one and are willing to help us help him.  I am no longer alone and I praise God for the blogging adoptive mamas who were my only support system those first few years.  You have no idea how much you helped me when I did not think we would be ok.  God is good all of the time :)

Small town living

God has blessed us with so many things that have really gradually unfolded since our arrival in a smaller town.  Christian is able to take piano lessons with a wonderful teacher who seems hand-picked for him and she lives on our street.  This summer Caleb's dream of playing baseball was answered when a friend from church gave him some baseball cleats and told him about the teams here.  Although we missed the initial meetings and practices, Caleb's new coach welcomed him to the team without hesitation, spent extra time coaching him and went above and beyond to make Caleb feel a part of things.  It was a fun 6 weeks of peanuts, water bottles and playing in rocks (for the little kids) as we watched Caleb play for the first time! 

We have prayed since Corey arrived home for an opportunity to help him in therapy.  We found that our local hospital (just 2 blocks from our home) has a wonderful OT/PT center and Corey is finally able to go once a week to have some help working on some sensory and balance/coordination issues.  An added blessing was that he was invited to do therapeutic horseback riding here in town for free on Monday nights.  We could not believe this answer to prayer.  We are seeing some improvements in his behavior as we've worked on adding some sensory things to his regular life and learning what works with him.

 Another blessing was free swimming lessons for our youngest children.  A friend at church offered to do this for our kids and they just love it!  Each Thursday they look forward to it and are learning a lot.

Chelsea found another homeschooled girl her age who is taking Driver's Ed at the local public school which helped ease her fears about going.  She has finished week 1 of 4 and this is a huge step outside of her comfort zone which we are thankful for.   We do not have an official youth group here but God has blessed by giving our older children such special relationships with many adults in our church who will come and pick them up and watch a movie and play games with them.  Our little ones are loved and cherished by so many in the church.  When we first came, we were really in awe of how God had gone before us and how so many people in our church have worked with kids with special needs before so they understand our little boys and their challenges.

God has given us special times of being able to do His work here and it has been amazing.  Living in a small town has been wonderful and God ordained for our family at this season of life.  We are thankful when He chooses to use our family for His purposes and meets some of the deepest wants in our lives as well (and always the needs too!)