God's P-E-A-C-E

This morning after a busy Christmas weekend, God used Corey to remind me of a powerful message in the midst of chaos.  He has been paying attention to words alot lately and spelling things out left to right and we are so proud of what God has allowed him to learn.  He looked at our mantle and spelled out "P-E-A-C-E" and then said "PEACE ...mama that's my name 'God's peace'"  Amazing how someone so small can minister to those of us who are older.

Lately I find my mind wandering to the "what ifs" for Corey...in God's providence He allowed us to chose the name COREY which mean's "God's peace" and now here my little 6 yr old with FASD reminds me of who is in charge..who is Sovereign and where true peace comes from..never in my circumstances but in the ONE who broke through our darkness to be our Immanuel "God is with us."

In ministry and in our own families lately I've seen the chaos of those who are struggling with deep pain, uncertainty in their futures, fear, overwhelming sadness at recent events in the news, a wearing down from the mundane parts of their lives, and just simple exhaustion from the holiday season and all the extras that come upon us because of our church/personal schedules.    We long for something we cannot seem to have..PEACE.  It's all around us in the Christmas Hallmark specials, the serene cards featuring the nativity scene but was that really what the first Christmas looked like?  We long for simple..for uncomplicated lives where families get along, trials seem lighter and we can enjoy the Christmas "spirit"

God understands.

To look at the chaos and wish for something simpler, less challenging seems to take away the heart of the gospel..the very reason we needed a Savior to break through the darkness to begin with.  Mary must have been confused to love God and to have been given a task that seemed greater than she could manage on her own.  She faced the scrutiny of what others thought and then when it was finally growing closer to the time of Jesus' birth she was forced to endure a long journey.  Then it seemed that God was not there..because there was no place to stay.  I'm sure she was exhausted and it made it all that much harder to trust God in her circumstances.  God showed up in an amazing way because it was His plan for Jesus to be born in a humble place but he added a glorious announcement with the angels to confirm that Jesus was their long awaited Savior.  Jesus was born into chaos...both in his earthly family and in the world around Him.  Soon after His birth, His family would face the trial of running for their lives to escape  Herod who would kill without mercy many little lives.  God understands.

PEACE...is only possible when we look at our chaos and invite Him in to help us in our lives to respond in a way to the trials around us that brings Him glory..to realize He didn't come to take away our darkness here on Earth but to be our LIGHT and our PEACE.  Perhaps your Christmas season is a bit chaotic...God understands.  He sent His Son to us to be our PEACE in the midst of darkness, pain and chaos.

Trust Him today with your pain, your confusion and your darkness instead of wishing for just a happier simple Christmas.  Ask Him to walk with you in your pain and for the chance to be a light by responding to our trials in way that could only be because He is helping you.

Jesus said:  "But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.  PEACE I leave with you; MY PEACE I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid"  (John 14: 26-27)

Fall Fun

It's been weeks since I blogged as we tried to process through all that had happened but Elisabeth Elliott's admonition to just "do the next thing" really was helpful in making myself move painfully through my new reality of a calendar with dates crossed off and the loss of what we thought God was doing in our lives through embryo adoption.

Through these last six weeks I've purposefully looked for ways to bless my family and to have fun with them.  God blessed us with a trip to Branson, MO as a family to see Sight and Sound's production of Joseph.

We found a bunch of fall fun activities to do and I learned more about cooking with whole foods at www.100daysofrealfood.com.  We made trees out of paper bags and little pretend acorns while studying the Revolutionary War time period.

I've started doing a Bible study with some other homeschooling mamas at www.goodmorninggirls.org in Colossians which has been wonderful for accountability and growth and am reading through Helping Others Change by Paul Tripp for our Sunday evening church study.  A book that impacted my life and helped me most outside of Bible reading during this challenging season was Gospel by J.D. Greear.  It reminded me that God's thoughts toward me never change and are rooted in Christ's righteousness and never in my ability to "do" something for Him.

God has been so faithful to us and each day I'm learning how to thank Him, ask for His strength to do the next thing and just cutting back and looking for simplicity until my feelings could catch up with what my head knows to be true about God.  I'm thankful for beautiful Fall weather, pumpkins, and blooming mums after a long hot summer and that God is teaching me many things about who I am in Him through this time.  Hallelujah...all I have is Christ!

My ROCK

Psalm 31: 3 "For you are my rock and my fortress; and for your name's sake you lead me and guide me"

What a whirlwind week...we started the week in full adoption/medication cycle mode and Corey going to school and ended in a shockingly different place for us.  On Monday morning, after a week of struggling with heart issues, weakness and mental distress caused by the hormones I was taking to prepare my body for the transfer of our embryos in just four weeks, we made the painful decision to stop the process when that morning it became clear that my health was at risk.  The physical toll already on my body was very risky and I could not care for my other six children.  So after five months of homestudy, fingerprinting, medical tests and many expenses and preparations and prayers, our adoption of our snowflake babies ended.

By God's grace, our children had already planned a getaway for us in Branson, MO to see Sight and Sound's production of "Joseph" so we had that to look forward to.  We realized that the past few weeks our family was under extreme stress and that we needed some time to think and pray before we did anything else. We talked as a family about how the adoption ending and Mom hopefully returning to a better place physically would help us over time..and the kids agreed we should keep Corey home and not send him to school.  Although the school we were planning on was a wonderful place, we all agreed we wanted him home and all of us recommitted to being there for him (which honestly is a great place for our family to be after many years of all of the kids struggling to some degree to accept Corey and the extra care he requires).  God was good to be with us.

Our older children were wonderful in helping with the younger ones while we spent some time traveling, resting and watching the story of "Joseph"...I can identify with his life so much..sometimes it seems like the plan just ended in your life but God is still God and He knows what He is doing.  Rick and I laughed and cried together and tried to trust the Lord and work toward some new goals for our family.  This has been a heart breaking place for me to be in..to choose to protect myself and our six kids and find a new home for our embryos.  We recognize that this is the end of our adoption road..possibly forever and we have to say that the same faith in God and His plan that gave us courage to walk this road to begin with is the same sustaining faith in His good and perfect plan when things didn't work out the way we had hoped and prayed.

We love God with all our hearts...He is our rock and He knows what He is doing..He saw this coming and He is still at work in our hearts and lives..perhaps using our story to encourage others to consider embryo adoption, perhaps changing all of us in the process and helping us learn more about Him...I don't pretend to know the mystery of why this happened but we do continue to trust Him with our lives and thank Him for giving us courage to walk this path and courage to know when we could no longer walk.

When Love Looks Different

Today I did something that I never thought I'd do and yet with God's strength I did..I enrolled my son Corey in a small Christian school.  I realize this isn't a big deal for most people reading along but for me it's heartbreaking.  It's admitting that right now loving him means letting him go.  I have never bought a lunch box or a nap mat or glue sticks or a backpack and sent my children to school in 17 years of being a parent.  I tried to hold back tears as I wandered through Walmart today trying to figure out how you can have peace about this and yet cry because you are now walking a new road.  Yesterday was our first official day of school and I even took this picture...and by afternoon everything had changed and I was not homeschooling a kindergartener.

Wasn't I supposed to be the one to tuck him in for naptime?  Wasn't I supposed to teach him things and feed him snacks?  Wasn't I the good mom who homeschooled, handled special needs and was adopting again?  Except that being a good mom isn't all those things..it's praying about what is best for your child and your family.  So when God opened up a unique opportunity..a door He could open..we walked through it.  Because of a generous scholarship to pastor's kids and the school opening a full time preschool with a flexible schedule we walked through unfamiliar territory yesterday (may God bless the friend here who is listening to my constant panic sessions..."do I label everything? where do you find lunchboxes just days before school starts? what is a two colored highlighter and why does a preK kid need one?"..poor friend..she might defriend me on facebook soon :)  We decided to put him in preK because he has limited fine motor skills and would love the hands on sensory nature of preschool.  We both walked in and felt peace as we knew things needed to change but had no idea what that would mean as we prayed.

I still cry because I'm slowly letting go of what I wanted my life to be and embracing what it is through God's design.  I'm redefining my selfish, prideful ways of ending this sentence "A good mom..."

FASD is awful...it destroys a child's potential...and I hate it.  I love this child and want the best for him and right now for our family that means giving school a try to see what God does.  It's a scary adventure for all of us...one filled with change.  Love means something different for Corey..it means therapy and respite care so I can be recharged and now it means school.  I'm thankful God is in charge of my life...because it's hard to think I have to manage it all..I don't :)

Why I love the Mouse :)

I know we all have coping mechanisms but as we wait for our next step in our adoption journey (which just happens to be injections of meds instead of immigration paperwork this time around :) I was feeling it again...love of Mickey Mouse.

It started when the "three Koreans" (what they like to call themselves) all wore their Disney tshirts and asked if I'd wear mine.  It was an innocent thing until being stuck inside our house AGAIN in 106 temps (and we don't live in the South and it's been like this for a whole month) made me feel as nutty as being trapped in a snowstorm for weeks on end...and then Cam was doing art and on the back of his paper drew a picture of himself standing in line and meeting the height requirement for the Star Wars ride (this is almost a daily thing to talk about..how he didn't get to ride it and when is he old enough etc etc).  That's when I broke down and called Disney...just to ask questions.

What I found out means AMAZING savings for families at Disney :)  Unlike the Homeschool Days of Disney, there is another better option to save money and it's called Disney Youth.  Families (big or small) can sign their kids up under Individual Enrollment and save hundreds of dollars on Disney admission AND their kids can take unique classes at Disney (one included..any extras are $28 per child).  I went over all the details with a Disney representative today and cannot believe it!  They actually do these programs all throughout the year (Aug, October and Jan/Feb are when many classes are held) and you get a significantly reduced rate for your entire family on multiple day passes.  For example, a normal 7 day hopper is $356/person over 10...through the Disney Youth program you can get it for $199 and it includes one free class at the parks.  Parents are considered chaperones and all family members get this same discounted rate.  Details can be found HERE.  This is so tempting on many levels but for now for our family and all the unknowns, we are all praying toward the possibility again in the future of going to Disney and it gives us something to think and dream and pray about until this heat ends :) :)

Chicken glue and the case of the secret hiding spot

My life is hilariously funny everyday but some days are just more so than others.  Yesterday I felt like I might be running an online and phone counseling hotline with many calls and people who needed help and counsel. I had planned to make a chicken and rice recipe and started my day realizing I was missing several ingredients.  Thankfully I have a teen daughter who LOVES to drive and so I sent her on one of her first missions to the grocery store.  Then it came time to actually put it in the crockpot and I realized that we normally cook it for 3 hrs on high..but I thought ok...I have to be out today for meetings so I'll do 6 hrs on low..BIG mistake.

So Rick arrived home for dinner and I informed him that I had accidentally created a new recipe called "Chicken glue" and we hoped it was edible.  Corey spent the first 5 minutes of dinner arguing with Daddy that it really was chicken glue and NOT chicken and rice because he takes things so literally :)  Then all of a sudden he says sincerely "Cam I'm sorry I broke your lego watch"

Now recently we've noticed Corey is processing things well and so when he makes a statement like that we no longer dismiss it as not true.  So we began to ask questions and realized that none of us had seen Cam's beloved new lego watch in a few hours.  You have to understand that Cam is our baby prince..and he LOVES his new lego watch and has miraculously taught himself how to tell time accurately in less than 2 weeks because of this watch!  So one by one people start disappearing from chicken glue night...and we begin an all out search in the bedroom for this watch.  We find the watch under the dresser but one essential itty bitty part was missing. Seriously if you knew Cam's emotions you would pray too earnestly that God might help you find the part.  Meanwhile in the spirit of keeping things calm, one of us would sit by Corey and just ask nice questions about what he thought happened to the itty bitty yellow and black part.  Then he says "oh I put it in my secret hiding spot"  Patiently we asked what that spot might look like..all the while taking him seriously because he doesn't usually say such things.  Well then Chels realized that the cooling vent near his bed was shut...and that was odd...so they took apart the vent and voila...itty bitty piece found.  We were all laughing hysterically without letting Corey see it lest he think the secret hiding spot is great :)  Who needs cable when all of you can go on a treasure hunt and realize that Corey is getting funnier and crazier in what he does during naptime :)  I love that kid.

Snow day, graduation and birthdays oh my!

We are happy to finally have our babies at the clinic in storage with all legal rights transferred to us!  We have a set date now for the embryo transfer which is September 17th (affectionately known as "snow day" at our house)!!  I begin medicines around August 1st and we are praying for low side effects and strength.  The funniest part right now is when we pray at night with the little ones and Caelyn (age 7) keeps saying with big eyes...pray for our babies..they are in the freezer and have to survive the Fall (she means thaw)!  Then Cam and Corey start asking questions: in the freezer?  Caelyn says yes but they are small like dust.  Cam and Corey: like dust on the ground...and so it goes and Mom reminds them that it's complicated and that we can pray and let God handle the details :)

It seems like life is now arranged around our snow day!  We have begun school for a few kids.  Christian is doing My Father's World this year and loving the switch to Teaching Textbooks (after years of being a Math-U-See family).  Caleb has started Personal Finance, Health and Horticulture and will be doing BJU DVDs for one more year.  Our little ones are doing MFW Adventures and we have completed 4 weeks now in anticipation of taking some breaks this Fall due to snowflake babies :)  The only adjustment I've had to make is to make sure we make a distinct change between subjects...a few weeks ago I asked them "where Jesus lives now?"  And Cam (age 6) said "Jamestown?"

In other news, our princess graduated from high school and is now an official full time college student online at Baptist Bible College with a scholarship that takes care of most of her expenses.   Her ceremony was a blessing to reflect on God's goodness to our family and the many "stones of remembrance" she has in her life to remember His faithfulness.  We were blessed by grandparents being able to fly in and several friends from our years in Ohio.

We had a huge birthday season topped by the very important birthday of Cam who turned 6 on June 30th and talked for a year about his desire for a Star Wars theme party.  He is definitely a little prince at our house and charms everyone with his smile and his love of all things Star Wars.

God has been so good to us and blessed us with a fun-filled June and His strength for all seasons!

There is no God but OUR God

Can you imagine a God so amazing that the only way we see His power on display is often through the very trials we wish had not had happened..but then HE goes and does something that makes you just stand back in awe?  Our son Caleb had a significant baseball injury on Monday evening.  God was there with us..sending friends to help who had a relationship with a local dentist who ran into her office without hesitation to check on the damage.  God allowed us to get an emergency appointment in Indiana the next morning and Caleb was able to have braces put on to hold all 6 of his loose teeth in place.  Although he is disappointed with the lack of eating and the hold on playing baseball for a week..God was with us.  I became a bit teary eyed in the dentist office realizing that "all too familiar"..oh my we are adopting and God knew this would happen but it's going to cost so much..He's always taken care of us..especially while adopting!  The price tag was over $1200 and that's just the beginning as we have followup and no dental insurance.  I felt sad because of my son's pain and wondering why this had happened now..but kept praying.  When Caleb was in pain, he only cried a moment when he realized it would cost us and I kept telling him how important he was to us and to God and how I don't want him to worry about the money..must be how God feels about me when he sees me crying too...I love you and I'm going to take care of it..don't worry....

Today God did something amazing...I don't know who did it..but someone in the community sent us $2000 anonymously in money orders with the letters RAOK on it...random acts of kindness.  I have no idea who did this but I know where all good and perfect gifts come from...God himself.  So I praise Him for showing up in amazing ways that I would have not seen had my son not been injured in a game today.  Thank you God..I'm almost speechless and I love you because you care and are always there and you are more powerful than I can even imagine.

Oh and if that was enough...I just got an email saying my snowflake babies are headed to St Louis on Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The end of a 3 month process of legal and adoption paperwork is completed and they are being transported to our clinic!

Too Many Sugars

All week Cam keeps saying "too many sugars" which probably refers to the crazy amount of candy and other goodies that our kids consume during VBS..I'm sure it has nothing to do with why people are a bit crazy with the lack of sleep and increase in sugar consumption!

Caleb was supposed to spend the week as team captain for the boys (we were collecting funds to support one of our missionaries) but God had other plans as he spent 6 days terribly ill with a 102-103 temp.  Thankfully his fever finally broke and he is back to functioning today!  Instead Christian stepped to the plate and took his role..knowing it would lead by the end of the week to spaghetti being dumped on the losing team captain's head (the girls always win due to some benevolent ladies in our church who come to the rescue at the last minute!)  I was proud of Christian this week..not only for handling with maturity a role as leader but also for his love and help around our home, picking up for Caleb's many jobs and doing it with a joyful attitude.  Chelsea stepped out of her comfort zone when she agreed to this "up front" role as girls' team captain and did it Chelsea style..by nurturing and thanking the kids as they gave to her bucket.  This week was one of those great reminders that God always has a plan..even with the interruptions in our lives.

I was thinking that this morning when my treadmill gave me the signal that it was no longer going to function unless I lubricated the belt (which is a Daddy/Caleb job!).  At first I felt frustrated by the change in my plans, but then I thought some about blessings and what God wanted me to do with the interruption...and decided that after 4 days of VBS, Corey was needing some stroller/outside time, I knew it had been a while since I'd had a long talk with Chelsea and the morning was less humid than previous days so we could take the mile loop around the park near our house.  It turned out to be a great thing for all of us and a reminder too of God's plans always being better than ours!

IKEA to the rescue!

As if I needed another reason to love IKEA....but we finally had our indoor swing installed by a talented friend last week and it's been PERFECT!  It can hold up to 200 lbs but we've made it just for little kids in our house! It is such a great swing because it's like a cocoon and Corey especially loves being "stuck" in it...it keeps him swinging a lot longer than he'll submit to at OT because it isn't a platform where he can wildly throw his body.

We love the input for him to help him calm down!  We did opt to use a big pillow in the bottom instead of the blow up cushion since we accidentally overheated it with a hair dryer while blowing air into it :)  We think the pillow works just fine!

Our Snowflake Miracle (part 3)

We were blessed in this process to meet our social worker, who by God’s providence, had adopted three children from Korea who were now teens and adults which gave us an instant good connection. We felt that as she got to know our family that she began to fully support us and at the end of our homestudy visits, reminded us that our close family and friends would surely understand this extension of our heart for the fatherless.  Our homestudy progressed rapidly with a few bumps along the way. 

We had been praying that we could have approval by Chelsea’s 17^th birthday or else she would have to be fingerprinted as an adult (and the nearest fingerprint places are hours away…actually so is Target… but that’s a story for a different day!).  Our FBI fingerprints at one point went missing and our homestudy was complete and ready for approval.  We kept praying and asking God to help them be found and He did it step by step, bringing in quickly all of the necessary documentation.  Then on May 2^nd we received a surprising email that our homestudy agency director was questioning our income and family size and that our approval was in danger.  We had seen the hand of God in our process and knew that He had been opening doors that we could not open on our own and had given us faith to keep on walking.  We prayed like crazy and invited others in the adoption community to know quickly of our story and to be our prayer warriors.  It is hard to describe what it feels like to be in that position..knowing God has full power to answer you..but knowing His will may be different than what you ask of Him.

My heart identified that day with Abraham as he climbed Mt Moriah…and I imagined he cried too as he realized that God was asking him to sacrifice his dream for the One who had placed it in his heart.  Through tears I declared that I loved the Lord more than any dream He had placed in me and that He will provide.  I had to be willing to lay it down and not hold it so tightly and God gave us strength.  The morning of May 3^rd I prayed and called out for friends on facebook to pray without being able to share our amazing story and friends prayed without even knowing what I needed prayer for.  I was so blessed to have their support and love.  That afternoon I had planned to meet with another pastor’s wife who shared our heart for adoption and to tell her the details about our story..only suddenly our story didn’t look like it was going to end well.  I decided that I wanted to still tell the story..to say that God is faithful and He has been good and done miracles even if it all falls apart today.  Well while I was meeting with her, God heard the prayers of His kids..and he answered!!!!!  I came home to an email saying that the director had decided to grant us approval on the basis of the positive recommendation of our social worker.  THANK YOU JESUS!  He is able to do more than we think or ask.

Today we’ve decided to share our story and our only desire is to share that God is great and He is doing something using us when we are so undeserving.  I pray that by opening up and sharing the personal details of our family’s adoption journey through the miracle of embryo adoption that others will see Him and Him only.  While I’ve been tempted to hide it in secret because it is personal, we have decided to share so that others will see Him and that our lives may touch many through God’s story.  We invite you into our journey with us.  I don’t know why He’s chosen weak people like us to walk this road.  We are not crazy, we are not brave, we are not worthy….just willing.

We have been officially matched with our genetic family and are filling out legal paperwork that will allow us to move the embryos in their frozen state to our clinic in St Louis.  In the eyes of the world, these embryos are just property so unfortunately that is how they are viewed.  Because we are working with a Christian organization that values them as life, we are also completing additional steps to adopt them and to maintain an open relationship with the genetic parents in the future.   Just this past week I tearfully read the stories of the genetic parents as well as looked at pictures of the genetic sibling twins that were born 7 years ago and had multiple medical issues.  We continue to pray and trust God through this process and felt His peace in accepting them officially.

So what is next?

Soon I will begin a medical protocol to prepare my body for them which involves a variety of medicines.  We hope to then have them transferred to me late this summer (only up to 2 in case you are wondering! We will refreeze those that survive the thaw but are more than the 2 we are willing to implant at one time..I am too old to risk triplets!).  We pray that God gives us the desire of our hearts that these embryos survive the thawing process and that they live and grow.  We still have a long road ahead of us and covet your prayers for our family during this exciting time.  I am 40 years old and cannot believe that God has chosen me to be the mom to snowflakes who live in a vial in the Midwest J  For all these months I have felt a bit like Mary and have silently treasured all these things in my heart..but today I share because God is so amazing that I cannot keep silent any longer.  Thanks for reading about our amazing snowflake journey!  To God be the glory..great things He has done!

PS If you’d like to know more about embryo adoption, please visit www.embryoadoption.org to have your questions answered!

Our Snowflake Miracle (part 2)

Suddenly we found ourselves in the midst of paperwork for two agencies.  The following week another fear hit us…it was a lot of money to risk especially since the statistical chances of this actually working are not high.  We were presented with a different option but still felt drawn to “our” embryos and the way God had opened doors that only He could do.  As we prayed, God did another miracle and we received a scholarship that paid for a lot of our fees.  We will never forget that God knew our fears and our needs and met them so perfectly!  Again we thanked God for His confirmation that He was with us and that we should keep on walking this road…

The month of April was filled with many meetings for our homestudy process and medical clearances.  I needed medical clearance on three levels..my regular doctor, my ob/gyn and then a fertility clinic.  By God’s providence, we lost our doctors here all at one time due to some changeovers in February and God did a miracle just months ago by allowing a family doctor to be willing to take on our whole family at his practice.  Because of this changeover, I had all 8 physicals for all of us done right around the time we began the adoption process…just another evidence of the hand of God.   We had a bit of a medical scare after our ob/gyn visit and were left waiting for another week before we would see the fertility doctor and have an ultrasound.  That week was filled with a ton of “what ifs” in our heart as I truly thought I may never have this chance to carry these embryos if what we feared was true.

At our church, our book of the month is “From Good to Great in God’s eyes” by Chip Ingram.  When I shared our story with a dear friend in the church, she remarked that we were living out this book…taking great risks for God.   The morning we left at 6am for St. Louis for the clinic, I told Rick “I don’t feel like I’m doing anything great right now”…my stomach hurt and I was scared.  Entering the waiting room of the fertility clinic was like walking in a sacred place…I sat in the silence as I watched other women there and prayed in my heart for them and that God would help them in their pain.  I almost felt out of place there and did not know what to say to anyone as we sat and prayed for God to make His will clear on this visit.  Finally, another woman broke the silence and shared her story..she was in full time ministry and wanted me to know she was praying for me after she saw me reading “Dream Great Dreams” chapter of the book by Chip Ingram.  We shared our story and how we came here and she reminded us as our name was finally called that she was praying for our journey and we told her we’d do the same.  It was neat to sit there and in our nervousness (she had flown from far away to be there by herself while her husband was overseas) to affirm that God had ordained this day for each of us and He was going to be there with us no matter what the doctor said.  Our fears were quickly calmed as our doctor, a Jewish man, calmly and excitedly asked us to share our story of embryo adoption and then reaffirmed our faith in God and our desire to “be fruitful and multiply.”  He assured me of full medical clearance based on the tests I had had that morning.   We just had perfect peace that this is the place God had led us.  As we went over some details with the nurse later she told us that they wanted to know more about embryo adoption.  As a pro-life clinic they work hard to assure that there are few embryos created that are not used in procedures but they were interested to hear our details.  She also then smiled and told us that our story was amazing and we should share it with others…we were beginning to think so too!

We had been gone for 12 hours and rejoiced in God’s green light for medical clearance and leading us to this doctor.  We were fingerprinted on the way home and celebrated this day good day with our kids when we arrived home.

Our Snowflake Miracle (part 1)

It’s hard to start a story so wonderful and amazing and full of God’s power when you are in the middle of it and wanting to share with freshness the journey with others to catch them up to speed!  Most people reading this know we share a heart for orphans and God has blessed us with 3 special treasures from South Korea in addition to our homegrown teenagers who are a delight to our lives.  Our family went through a period of transition to a new ministry in Illinois in 2010 but still kept praying for open doors for us to adopt again.  Unfortunately the state we live in is not very large family friendly and so we were a bit discouraged to realize that there were many closed doors for our family due to our size here.   We kept seeking the Lord but had no peace about any of the options before us.  It was sometimes more difficult to wait on Him than it is now to follow Him.  I often asked the Lord to answer or to take away the desire in my heart not knowing He was about to work in a way I never thought possible.

In March, a miracle was about to happen.  Through an amazing set of circumstances we became aware of a set of frozen embryos (affectionately known as “snowflake babies”) that needed adoption.  We received an email about them and at the end, it said “if God is tugging at your heart” please call us.  While we were not unfamiliar with embryo adoption, we never knew that there would be a need for families like us.  For those who are unfamiliar with embryo adoption….basically couples who use IVF procedures to assist them in having children, sometimes have extra embryos that are preserved by freezing for future use.  Unfortunately sometimes circumstances in their lives make it necessary for them to make a decision for their extra embryos.  The choices are:  destroy them, donate them to science (therefore destroying them) or donate them to another family.   We believe that embryos are life with potential and NOT potential life and that adopting them is both right and pro-life. 

 Rick said that just that morning he had been reading about embryo adoption (which was neat how God had worked) and we both agreed that we should ask some questions and see if God was leading.  When we called the agency to ask more questions (all the while shaking) we were given the names of two homestudy agencies that might help us and two clinics that might also be able to answer some more questions.  I called both sets and God clearly laid out which agency was to do our homestudy and which clinic was the right one.  We prayed some more and then it hit us how crazy this would be.  I am 40 years old…what person decides to offer their body to be used, should God chose, to carry these embryos.  And I thought of Romans 12:2 which talks about offering our bodies as living sacrifices to the Lord and could imagine no better way.  We both were hesitant to keep going and tried to talk ourselves out of it all!

The next day we got an email from the agency that basically said “you won’t believe this but…” and then proceeded to tell us about a genetic family that had four embryos ..and they were half-Korean and at risk for special needs and they thought that this was the situation designed by God just for us.  Can you imagine a creative God who is able to provide a special gift that we could not even have imagined but is so perfect for all that God has done in building our family thus far????  We were in shock and recognized the hand of God.  In faith we asked for them to consult the genetic family to see if they would proceed with us and they did….

Courtship and other fun

I've been awfully quiet for a long time on my blog..but that is mostly because we've been in the middle of a unique adoption opportunity and I haven't been able to say anything just yet!  Well then God began to do some other amazing things and a young man who we've been friends with since he and Chels were a baby, came to us and asked for permission to court our daughter.  His family was coming to visit us and we made plans to surprise Chels..I think her feet have not landed on the ground since he came with flowers and candy and a letter just days ago.

I am in awe this Sunday as I sang in worship..to think the God of the universe cares so much about me and my family...to do so many amazing things all at once in our lives!  Chels has prayed so much for God to answer her in this area and so it's a joy to watch His love in our lives!  We are one month from graduation from high school with really only one economics test to go so we have much excitement going on here!

I love watching my daughter and our younger children explain "courtship" to those in our family and to our friends.  I guess for those interested...we see it as a unique opportunity to build a relationship with someone..one where both families agree that they are ready for this step in their lives and very unlike modern dating.  Although our particular couple is younger, they live at a distance and have known each other all of their lives.  Both families are heavily involved but the agreement to enter the relationship was begun by the young adults involved... the goal for them is marriage should God direct that way and there is heavy supervision for the couple to keep them protected.  We have never seen this modeled (except maybe the Duggars!) and we realized that our families had to come up with the way God is directing us to go in this area.  Honestly we are still working out as we go with great communication between the two families about many things.  It has been neat to see the two of them talk and begin to share about things with each other.  We are excited to see how God will lead them and help them.  We truly cherish his family as our dearest friends and can't believe that our kids are beginning to see in each other the potential for future mates.

I look forward to sharing other news soon!  There seem to be many showers of blessings at one time in our lives and we are so grateful to God.

She's graduating!!!

It's hard to believe but my oldest princess is graduating a year early from high school!   We recently made the decision to graduate Chelsea from homeschool this June because she has all of her high school credits finished in addition to 15 college credits (online Bible courses from Baptist Bible College).  We are so grateful to God that He has given us strength and wisdom these past 12 years to begin the homeschooling journey with her and to finish it as well.  Chels is a beautiful young lady inside and out and we are excitedly planning for the big celebration.  Grandparent's plane tickets have been bought, a dress ordered (her dream was to own a full length dress for the occasion), photographer for senior portraits hired, announcements and diploma ordered and the beginnings of decorations put together :)  It is fun to create a ceremony and party that will reflect her unique style and we are looking forward to the big day and hoping that friends and family can be there to share in this milestone.  God has worked marvelously to provide a way for Chelsea to continue taking college classes with very little cost..she will continue to work toward a Bible degree and be at home to continue her ministry to her family as well as her ministry in our church as pianist and Awana leader.

I reflect back to a time in 2005 when I knew that adding to our family through adoption would mean that I would most likely not be able to work to help pay for the older kids to go to college...we wondered then how God would provide..especially since the adoption expenses would take all of our savings away.  God knew and He had a plan that was just right for our family and for Chelsea ..and we thank Him for the amazing gift that this is for her to take classes online and how He's given her the ability to do dual enrollment this past year to learn more about college.  Combining Chelsea's love for writing, Bible classes, the computer and being able to do it from our living room...only God could so uniquely create something so well suited for our daughter and we thank Him!

He is no fool

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose”  Jim Elliott

I have been thinking after a particularly difficult morning in our home about this idea...of taking up our cross to follow Jesus.  Sometimes I read about the missionaries who gave up their very lives to reach a group of people and I'm inspired...forgetting that each day I'm called to the same loss of life.  Maybe it's not death here, but it is loss of things that are important to me.

Matthew 10:38-39 says: ³⁸ And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. ³⁹  Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

and later in that same passage He says:  ⁴² And whoever gives one of these little ones even a cup of cold water because he is a disciple, truly, I say to you, he will by no means lose his reward.”

I am reminded today that I share in common something with those who have gone before me on the road of suffering...a chance today to take up my cross and follow Him...and not by going overseas right now but by living faithfully with His strength alone to do the job before me.  I must die to self and what I wish my family or my life looks like..and give a cold cup of water to those in my life who need it remembering that Jesus did far more than that for me.  I am no fool....to give what I cannot keep to gain what I can not lose...

The Mickey Adventure Day 8 and 9

It was our last day in Disney and we were definitely beginning to feel the exhaustion!!  Chels was super invigorated today by the extreme heat but the rest of us were not as much!!  We chose to use our last day in Epcot.  The older kids convinced us that all of us could endure the Soarin' ride..it was fun..once we landed back on the ground (Rick and I kept saying..how do you hold on if your palms are so sweaty!).

 (Notice the little green thing..we affectionately call a "bug stopper" after yesterday's bug in the chai incident!) We decided to split up and let the older kids ride Mission Space (they were supposed to just ride the tamer version but called us and asked to go on the more difficult one..so we let them..and 2 were green and dizzy the rest of the day!)  We enjoyed a saving exhibit, a fire safety and storm safety exhibit as well with the little kids.

They pretended to be asleep in the play house and then I would pretend to be the fire alarm and they would crawl out to a meeting spot.

We found a neat calm boat ride in the Mexico exhibit that we all enjoyed.  We also enjoyed time in the China exhibit where Chels found some egg rolls, we shopped and saw the tomb soldiers as well as watched a video about China that was enjoyable for our whole gang.  We were all tired and hot (and some of us dizzy) but Chels wanted to at least walk by all of the countries in Epcot so we kept going!!  Eventually we made it back around and all decided that it was time to go.  The little ones wanted to do Spaceship Earth one last time and then to do the monorail for fun as our last thing in Disney.

Cam waving "goodbye" to Disney!

After surviving a hot day, we stopped at McDonalds for some cool treats!  We returned to the house to pack and ordered pizza and had a final swim before our early bedtime.  

The air conditioning wasn't working that night and it was pretty hot so we were kind of thankful when the alarms went off at 5am the next morning!  God was gracious to us and we were able to make it out at 6am.  We drove 16 hours and made it back in just one day to our home in IL.  The kids did very well on the trip and we all collapsed into bed as soon as the van was unloaded.  We went to bed happy for the special memories of our time together and for His many blessings to be with us and to have provided so amazingly for us to be able to finally take this trip!!!

The Mickey Adventure Day 7

Today someone stopped us when Corey was crying hysterically and said "what is wrong with the little prince?" and I just smiled and said "this is day 6 at Disney" and the worker smiled knowingly :) :)

We got up a bit earlier to see if we could be at Magic Kingdom when it opened.  It was fun because we took the monorail there and went through the Contemporary hotel right above Chef Mickey's where we had eaten earlier in the week.  We arrived in time to watch all of the Disney characters coming by train and to see them arrive at the opening gate with songs and dancing :)  It was one of the many times today we were in the right place at the right time!!

The lines were very short so we were able to ride many of our favorites in a short period of time.  Cam loves the "shooting one"..Buzz Lightyear. 

Caleb's happy look before the ride when I gave him the chance to redeem his loss to me at Toy Story Mania...except that by some miracle I hit 4 high scoring targets and got over 400,000 points..beating him..again :)

Snack time while the older kids rode Space Mountain and Astro Orbiter.  Then from up above Tomorrowland while we were on the People Mover ride we saw Buzz Lightyear!!!  Cam has been very excited about the characters so we got in line and got pictures!  He is always a bit shy when we take the photos but loves it all the same :)

 My favorite ride is still "It's a Small world"..I resisted the urge to buy a snow globe that sings the song..for fear it might drive the rest of my family insane..but it makes me smile :)

Christian age 12

Caleb age 14

Chelsea age 16

Cameron age 5 1/2

Caelyn age 7

Corey age 5

We enjoyed being able to get there in time to hop on a few rides that are popular before it got crowded and hot (it's uncharacteristically hot here in Florida for this time of year..I think 80 was going to be the high for the day!!)  We happened upon an afternoon show around the castle that was fun to watch and the little kids got gummy Mickeys to enjoy :)  We went back to the house for about 2 hours before returning to the Magic Kingdom in the evening.

The crowds were very low so we let Corey and Cam walk together holding hands...so stinkin' cute!!!

We enjoyed a "to-go" dinner at Chickfila and then rushed back to our last night at Magic Kingdom!!  We attempted a few more family photos (with a crane in the background as this is the time of year when they are fixing things around Disney) and finished our evening with a last time Carousel of Progress ride (we had the theater to ourselves) and then a final fireworks before slowly leaving the park..just magical.. we left with thankfulness in our hearts..knowing the time was coming to an end but just so thankful for God giving us this time together as a family.  HE was so amazing to give us wonderful weather and good health and strength!