Perspective on disability

We've had a hard time around here and I'd like to blame it on crashing from Christmas cookies but I'm afraid it's more complicated than that :)  Sometimes this mama just gets weary and starts questioning God's sovereignty in our lives in giving us His measured out amount of trials specific to our family and starts looking for ways to "fix" what is wrong in our family instead of praying for strength to endure and thrive in the midst of the struggle.

Sometimes I question whether the disabilities represented in our younger group become too much for my older bio, neourotypical children to handle.  I know some days they miss the way life used to be and think we are bending over backwards for our kids with disabilities. I feel badly that they have to help out so much and the stress that causes.  And then I stop and remember...

If my oldest daughter suddenly went deaf, we'd all learn sign language for her and it would change our world.  If my older teen son was in a car accident and became paralyzed we'd start looking for a home that had wheelchair access and suddenly things that were simple would no longer be that way.  If I got cancer, our world would turn upside down and for a while it would seem that it was all about me..that is what family does.  It rearranges everything for the one that is hurting..whether through emotional pain, physical pain or disability.  The problem is that my littlest Corey doesn't look like he has a disability so it's hard for everyone to remember that when we adjust the environment to prevent meltdowns, when we set realistic expectations and remember inside his 5 yr old body is a 2 year old, when we are willing to look at anger, frustration and hurting himself as brain damage instead of that he is trying to make our lives harder, then we can see.  We have to continue to do everything we can for him..because he's one of us..he is our brother, our son...and we'd want to know that the family would do it for us too someday.

It isn't about us...it's about bringing God glory through all things in our lives.

Living with abundance

Through the lean years of early married life...a decision to follow God into full time Christian service which moved us farther from the American dream...the lean but FUN years of Seminary (making baby wipes, shopping at Aldis, making Christmas presents, sharing with other students what you had..those were the good years)...the VERY lean and downright scary years of adoption (learning to do without paper products, cook more with beans, go without air conditioning, make our little home work though we doubled our family size in 2 1/2 years.. but knowing that little picture on your refrigerator meant more than anything here on earth.) and then the scary but THRILLING times of Rick's unemployment last year (watching God work in amazing ways to provide for our every need)...I find myself in a new stage..an uncomfortable stage called ABUNDANCE.

The doors to adoption in our current state remain closed for a family of our size...God gave us the HUGE blessing of the adoption tax credit plus sold our home...ABUNDANCE.  We live in a home almost 2 times the size of where we lived last year.  We bought a sofa for the first time in our married life...we are paying cash for college tuition (and I remember crying out to the Lord when we adopted that He knew I would not be able to return to work to help when the kids got close to college..but HE KNEW how he was going to do it)...we are able to replace moldy windows that don't work in our new home....God is amazing.

I am reminded of Paul's writing in Philippians 4:11-13  "Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound.  In any and every circumstance, I have learned the SECRET of facing plenty and hunger, ABUNDANCE and need.  I can do all things through him who strengthens me"  I want to enjoy HIS blessings in this season of life and rejoice while looking around for those in need.  It's hard to be on this end..sometimes harder for me than the way I've spent the past 40 years of my life.  I want to acknowledge that truly every good and perfect gift is from Him and He owns it all.  I don't want to just slip into thinking about what makes me happy..but look out for others and serve God with all that we have.

As we enter a new year soon...I resolve to GIVE GENEROUSLY, LIVE FRUGALLY, SPEND WISELY, and SAVE knowing that it is God who holds my future.  Thank you God for all seasons of life...and for the rest and healing that it is at this season to have this provision.

Asking for help

In the beginning of September I felt completely overwhelmed by school for the first real time in years...we had Chels entering dual enrollment classes online, Caleb starting high school and adding Cam into Kindergarten.  I asked another pastor's wife for some advice and she said GET SOME HELP!  At first I didn't want to admit I needed it, but as we prayed for God to help us we realized that this was part of the plan.  Thankfully I had two volunteers sign up immediately and C is the one who we kept as our permanent help!  Mondays are now known as C Day around here.  She is a dear friend who comes to work with Corey for 1 1/2 hours while I work more one on one with Caelyn and Cam.  She does rice and beans, playdough, using tongs to strengthen Corey's hands, puzzles, logic games (this one is called Bambino Luk from www.timberdoodle.com) and generally keeps him busy doing things that help him grow and learn (but he thinks he's just playing).  We pay her in chai and cookies and she usually stays for lunch (we secretly think she might be doing research for a book entitled "Why I Don't Homeschool" but we cannot be sure just yet...) and then some conversation.

In asking for help we gained someone at our church who will understand Corey's needs more fully...a respite to allow me to have a day of the week when I can work more with our younger group...and most importantly A FRIEND.  I'm so thankful God showed me over this Fall that we no longer can do all of this on our own and that with God weakness is strength when we depend on Him to be there and give us wisdom.  We had started to become an island and the stress was overwhelming our family...now we are learning to ask for help.  God has also provided a dear older couple who adores Corey and since they have had no children, they thoroughly enjoy him and understand his needs.  He sits with them each Sunday morning for the first part of the service and we are so grateful for them in our lives!

Christmas Blessings

For the first time in many years I think I'm enjoying the Christmas season instead of being stressed by it!  We decided to simplify Christmas by planning on three gifts per kid: something they need, something they want and something we want for them.  We shopped mostly online in advance (yeah for Amazon!!) and it has given us more time to do creative projects this month for others.  We also have enjoyed a new Advent devotional called "Christmas Stories for Bedtime" by Renae Brumbaugh..it's for ages 5-8 and perfect for our little ones.  We've also enjoyed "Come Thou Long Expected Jesus" at dinnertime for our older group.

We have had a difficult Fall filled with God's strength for our family.  Rick has been able to attend counseling training for several weekends which encouraged him as a pastor.  Our Korean student Chloe went to live with a different family and we continue to have a good relationship with her (she lives across the street and we had her for dinner this week!)

The most amazing recent event is the sale of our house in Columbus!  Our situation with our renters quickly deteriorated in late October and we made the difficult decision to ask them to leave.  Within 24 hours of listing our home for sale, we had a showing and 24 hours later we had a buyer!  This is after 2 1/2 years of attempting to sell it with no success.   We still stand in awe of God and HIS TIMING which is perfect.  It remains a good lesson to us to wait on the Lord and trust Him in all things.   We just finished closing on the house this week and we thank God for this amazing gift and the ability now to focus more fully on the ministry we have here.

We look forward to Rick's parents and sister coming for Christmas and are praying for good health for our little ones so that we might be able to have a few guests come for dinner over this holiday season.  We are focusing on serving others and reflecting on God's amazing abundance in our lives in this season of our lives.  For us this Christmas is an extended Thanksgiving...remembering where we have been and what He has done to bring us to this place of abundance in so many areas.  We stand in awe.