Team Corey

I've been doing a bit of reflection lately about how I transformed from a mom whose world was turned upside down by a little Korean with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder and the mom who I am now.  I am changed and I wondered when the change happened.  I spent months crying, reading books and realizing what a task I had signed up for when he came home and was angry and none of my traditional ways of parenting (nor the attachment ways of parenting I had learned through adoption) were "working".

I think the change happened gradually in my heart...when love no longer mean a warm fuzzy feeling but a strong commitment to help this little one. A realization that Corey was made in the image of God despite his prenatal exposure to alcohol and the strange ways that played out in his life and God had a divine purpose for His life...even if that only purpose was to change me.  It happened over the past year (Corey has been home almost 3 years) when I joined "Team Corey"  It happened when I stopped thinking his behavior was personal or a reflection of my parenting and started thinking that his brain was damaged and he needed some extra helps to navigate life that none of our other five kids have needed.  It was adjusting our lives and his environment to give him success.  It was learning to teach him things that we take for granted in normal development (the ability to get up in a chair or spit toothpaste in a sink all needed to be taught, re-taught and taught again until one day he can do it).  It happened when I started purposefully looking for the bright parts of his personality and cherishing his part in God's kingdom instead of focusing on the negative.  It happened when I was willing to redirect instead of punish even if that meant looking like I had somehow changed my firm parenting and was giving in to what he wanted.  It happened when I saw anger with compassion knowing this child was overloaded from a sensory standpoint and was not just "sinning" in anger.  I had to change..I had to look at my child with compassion..he was not the enemy..FASD was and it was his enemy too.  He was never going to be like my other kids..my life had changed permanently and I had to accept it or continue to fight it.  He was going to need a lot of help in this life...always... and God had somehow picked me to be the one to help him.

Others have since joined Team Corey...occupational and physical therapists, and Sunday school teachers who had a disabled brother and understand Corey's limitations aren't defiance but part of brain damage.  I'm thankful God is bringing us a team of people who do not look at my child and try to assure me he is normal but who embrace our little one and are willing to help us help him.  I am no longer alone and I praise God for the blogging adoptive mamas who were my only support system those first few years.  You have no idea how much you helped me when I did not think we would be ok.  God is good all of the time :)