What a whirlwind week...we started the week in full adoption/medication cycle mode and Corey going to school and ended in a shockingly different place for us. On Monday morning, after a week of struggling with heart issues, weakness and mental distress caused by the hormones I was taking to prepare my body for the transfer of our embryos in just four weeks, we made the painful decision to stop the process when that morning it became clear that my health was at risk. The physical toll already on my body was very risky and I could not care for my other six children. So after five months of homestudy, fingerprinting, medical tests and many expenses and preparations and prayers, our adoption of our snowflake babies ended.
By God's grace, our children had already planned a getaway for us in Branson, MO to see Sight and Sound's production of "Joseph" so we had that to look forward to. We realized that the past few weeks our family was under extreme stress and that we needed some time to think and pray before we did anything else. We talked as a family about how the adoption ending and Mom hopefully returning to a better place physically would help us over time..and the kids agreed we should keep Corey home and not send him to school. Although the school we were planning on was a wonderful place, we all agreed we wanted him home and all of us recommitted to being there for him (which honestly is a great place for our family to be after many years of all of the kids struggling to some degree to accept Corey and the extra care he requires). God was good to be with us.
Our older children were wonderful in helping with the younger ones while we spent some time traveling, resting and watching the story of "Joseph"...I can identify with his life so much..sometimes it seems like the plan just ended in your life but God is still God and He knows what He is doing. Rick and I laughed and cried together and tried to trust the Lord and work toward some new goals for our family. This has been a heart breaking place for me to be in..to choose to protect myself and our six kids and find a new home for our embryos. We recognize that this is the end of our adoption road..possibly forever and we have to say that the same faith in God and His plan that gave us courage to walk this road to begin with is the same sustaining faith in His good and perfect plan when things didn't work out the way we had hoped and prayed.
We love God with all our hearts...He is our rock and He knows what He is doing..He saw this coming and He is still at work in our hearts and lives..perhaps using our story to encourage others to consider embryo adoption, perhaps changing all of us in the process and helping us learn more about Him...I don't pretend to know the mystery of why this happened but we do continue to trust Him with our lives and thank Him for giving us courage to walk this path and courage to know when we could no longer walk.
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