Easter Reflections

After 7 hrs in our local ER trying to save Cam's PICC line which had alarmed as high pressure and refused to flush, we transferred to St Louis on Saturday evening before Easter.  Cam and I spent our Easter in a hospital room far from our family.

I wrote this to a friend to describe my thoughts on Easter:

Easter is about Jesus..the power of the cross isn't just for salvation although that would be enough if it were..but it's God's sustaining POWER and the HOPE that you can have knowing He has conquered and there is nothing here that can separate us from his LOVE.  My favorite song through this is I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin (although ultimately not a happy song on earth..because it mentions that death is not the end..and not something I want to contemplate right now..but it truly does cross my mind every day that I might lose Cam).  It's the words: there's a peace I've come to know, though my heart and flesh may fail, there's an anchor for my soul..I can say IT IS WELL...Jesus has overcome..and the grave is overwhelmed..the victory is won..he is RISEN from the DEAD.  I've identified with the power of the cross this year more than ever..I've identified with a Father who watched his child suffer for me..who is not far off nor uncaring but who truly understands my tears and my fears..I've identified with a Savior who kept walking..when he knew what he was facing and I"m in awe and ask Him for that same sustaining power to keep walking a road I wish I was not on.  So maybe that's better than a family picture or a ham dinner or singing He Arose together in church as a family which is our norm.

God answered my prayers for peace even in that hospital room while Cam and I waited for Monday morning to come when he would have surgery again to put in another PICC line.  There were Easter egg hunts and prizes to encourage the kids at the hospital.  Cam opened up a gift from us.. a book I made with Shutterfly to tell him how much God loves him and how HE will help him in the hospital.  There were pictures posted on Facebook by my sweet daughter showing me how they all looked in their matching outfits even though part of our family was not there.  God was with us..giving strength and reminding us as one of my nurses and I talked..about our "core"..the true meaning of Easter.  He sent a few compassionate nurses who helped us get some rest the second night. He sent a friend in St Louis on Easter who willingly brought me some Starbucks to keep me going and her presence made me smile :)  We skyped together on Easter and it was nice to have that connection.  He sent Caelyn and Rick to arrive just as Cam had gone back for sedation on Monday morning and this time Cam's surgery was in a place where they could give him "happy meds" before it which made for a delightful Cam instead of me watching him scream and go limp as previous procedures had been. God gave us peace as we met with the heart surgeon who sat on the end of Cam's bed and explained the procedure for the open heart surgery and we knew we were in the right place.  God is good...Easter is about suffering and YET hope.  Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.