Psalm 71:3 "Be to me a ROCK of refuge to which I may continually come; you have given the command to save me, for you are my ROCK and my fortress"
Just 48 hours after our 3 day hospital stay and PICC line replacement, on Wednesday night at 1am, the alarms sounded on Cam's pump and the line and tubing were filled with blood. We called home health and our on call nurse at the pump company and after repeated attempts to flush the line but no success we determined the line was again clotting. Around 2 am Rick made the decision after we spoke with infectious disease doctors in St Louis to go straight to the ER there hoping they could maybe save the PICC line as they had done once before. At 3 am Cam left me screaming..that was a hard moment to be the one staying instead of going and realize how hard separation is for him. We all only slept a few hours that evening. Rick and Cam arrived in St Louis in the early morning hours and thankfully they were able to flush the line, reconnect him to his pump and even change the PICC dressing which had been causing extreme itching for Cam (due to an allergy to the adhesives that he is developing). They arrived back at 1:30pm and we thanked God for his help as this was the first time things really turned out better than we had hoped!
That afternoon I became increasingly ill with fever and bronchitis symptoms but God provided a warm meal for my family and we had already arranged respite care for Corey. Corey had also started attending our local Christian school three mornings each week this month til the end of the school year. We applied for emergency respite funds through our state and were approved this week which was a blessing too as we now have Corey in good hands a few hours each day for this month so that we can continue to focus on getting Cam stronger.
On Thursday night Cam's pump backed up with blood again..only this time I was probably too sick to handle it so Rick woke up Caleb and they both took care of it. Thankfully were able to flush it before any clotting occurred. Yesterday was still rough as we sought answers for our pump problems and I spent most of the day on the phone. In the late afternoon they sent a courier directly to our home with a new valve that would hopefully prevent the problems Cam is having (which we believe are due to increased pressure in his heart that works again the interim times between dosing when Cam is still getting medicine but at a lower rate). Last night..EVERYONE slept!
This week has been a hard one for me..I really feel like I hit a wall in every possible way. I'm glad God promises to be a ROCK and not only that ..but that we can continually come to Him. Each night in the night I pray that I will trust Him and know that He is near. I do find myself asking now at times..how long O Lord..but I know He hears each plea and that He cares and is close to us.
In the past few days I've thanked God for warmer temps, for sunshine, for birds and budding trees that remind us winter will not always last. I'm thankful for meals that keep coming in George Mueller style..just daily bread...for my kids having a moment to work together to build a square foot garden, for Cam being strong enough to ride his little bike with training wheels, for all of my kids and the ways they pull together and support each other, for Rick and his unending love and devotion to us as a family. I'm thankful for sleep, for less fever, for cool breezes and ice water. God is my ROCK..this is hard..crushingly so..but I can continually come and I will..to Him.
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