My servant leader

(Reading books with Daddy on one of our days home from the hospital)

It's Sunday morning and again my husband Rick heads for church with his heart in multiple places.  In the past seven weeks he's had his heart torn between the church family he loves and his personal family that is struggling but in his own words, he's made the right choice to be where he cannot be replaced..HOME.  In the past few weeks he's looked more like Jesus..humbly serving where no one sees, than anyone I know.  He started this year wanting to focus more on prayer in his own life and God has seen fit to draw our family to our knees in utter dependence on Him for the life of our son Cameron,  Rick has preached while his son was being medflighted to St Louis with my blessing as we knew it's one thing to say you trust God..it's another to declare HE IS GOOD when you are faced with what we did that day.   He stayed with us for days in the hospital knowing that we both were needed to fight for Cam.  We both cried together the night we thought we'd lose him and we prayed.  He has preached after 3 hrs of sleep and long nights in the ER knowing he had my blessing to continue preaching while we left without him for the hospital again.  He trusted God's plans for Easter which is one of the big events on any church's calendar..even when there could be no plans for great dramas or great musicals this year when his heart was torn because our family was separated.  He has been a source of mercy and strength to each of us..continuing his role as Dad (which often includes talking to Corey's stuffed animals or helping talk the kids through different issues they were facing).  He has supported me in new roles as a nurse and kept me focused on just doing whatever I could to keep Cam going and encouraged me to let other things go.  His hugs and listening ear have helped all of us to process really difficult emotions as we've walked through this journey.

Every night for seven weeks Rick has slept near a monitor for Cam, often sleeping on the hard floor of Cam's room so that now his back is in pain often.  He has set his alarm to be there to watch Cam for dangerous air bubbles and back ups of blood in the tubing that would endanger Cam in the night.   He has lovingly gone to answer any calls in the night..every night for many weeks.  When I became ill with a fever there was no question in his mind that he would work from home that day to be there to support me.  I have never felt such love in all my life..such giving over and over again unseen.  He will probably never get his doctorate or write a book but I know God sees and He has great plans for my shepherd husband and for his church family as well through this.

When Rick took the job as senior pastor here God used his love to show me the love of the Father in a way that I had never known.  I learned through Rick that God loves us unconditionally and is for us..not a judge who sees our shortcomings all the times..but who sees us through a righteousness that is not our own..but that of Christ himself.  In marriage the picture is given of Jesus Christ and the church and I can honestly say that I'm married to a man who has looked more and more like Jesus than ever before in this trial because he has laid down his life for his family.  When he graduated from Seminary they gave each of the graduates a towel and told them the importance of being servant-leaders.  Some are called to do this in other places but Rick has been called to do this in his own home.  I pray that others can see and that God may use his example to lead other dads to consider their families' needs and be there for them in this way.

A child's illness can separate a family and a marriage but because Rick has quietly continued to lay down his life for all of us, God has kept us together and strong.  I am honored that he is my husband and my pastor.  I pray for my daughters to have young men who would sacrifice for their future families in this way and that my young men will grow up to be like their Daddy who strives to be like Jesus.  I love you Rick..I can't thank you enough for what you've taught me about God's love being never ending and never dependent on what I could do for Him.  Thank you with all my heart.